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Archive for the ‘Fiction’ Category

Win a copy of Death By Carbs by Paige Nick: Undeniably brilliant satire

Tim Noakes and Paige Nick

 
Death By CarbsDeath By Carbs, Paige Nick’s rip-roaring satire of the so-called “Banting revolution”, has been incredibly well received.

In a review for Women24, Marisa Crous writes: “Nick is my kind of author: undeniably brilliant at writing satire.” Avis Perks writes in a review for The Cape Argus: “Whether you’re a Tim Noakes fan or not, or even a mere bemused bystander, all you need is a healthy appetite for humour to enjoy this irreverent take on our weird and wonderful society.”

If you want to get your hands on a copy, you can follow traditional methods like ordering online or visiting your local bookshop. If you are in Cape Town, you could contact the author directly on her Facebook page and get your own personalised copy:

If you live in Cape Town and you’d like a personalised copy of Death By Carbs delivered to your door for just R150, let me know, I’ve got a boot full of books, and I’m not afraid to use them.

Or, you could enter Women24‘s competition, which closes 15 February, to stand a chance of winning one of two copies:

Want to win a copy of this book? Simply send us an e-mail to chatback@women24.com and tell us about your favourite mystery novel.

Women24 review:

Sunday Times columnist Paige Nick has written a delightful novel which pokes fun at this entire phenomenon. Death by Carbs is a refreshingly witty read with an exceptionally written bunch of characters. They represent all possible affected parties of this diet craze: the fans, the internet trolls and those most likely to benefit from the death of Noakes himself.

Cape Argus review:

 
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Tim Noakes Joins Paige Nick for the Launch of Her Satirical Novel Death By Carbs at The Book Lounge

Tim Noakes and Paige Nick

The line in the sand – or rather across the centre of the table – had been drawn! Downstairs at The Book Lounge, earlier this month, the edibles were neatly laid out. On one side of the red tape were the Banting-friendly nuts. (One wit suggested off camera that the Banting-friendly nuts were all upstairs filling up the seats with their newly slimmed down derrières …) On the other side the sweet potato pastries and brownies. As always, the Leopards Leap wine flowed generously, but for those who care, no carb-free wine was available …

The event was the launch of the latest book from the pen of the multi-talented author Paige Nick. Death By Carbs is a satirical novel inspired by Tim Noakes’ controversial cookbook The Real Meal Revolution. In the words of Mervyn Sloman, who welcomed an eager crowd to the Book Lounge, “the cover bears a remarkable resemblance …”
Paige NickDeath By CarbsHe described Death By Carbs as: “Marvellous, scary, sick, slightly twisted, terribly funny and extremely smart!”

Nick got the idea for the book after hearing about The Real Meal Revolution everywhere she went. “In the queue at the chemist, at dinner parties … wherever I went somebody was obsessing about this book.” When Nick mentioned Tim Noakes’ name to a friend of hers she sighed in exasperation, saying, “I could just kill him!” Nick replied, “Pick a number and stand in line …” The idea was born of writing a crime spoof, and her creative process kicked into action.

Once the book was completed, Nick “stalked” Noakes, begging for his private email address from friends and acquaintances. She sent him messages on five or six different platforms, and then spammed him. She finally got him on the phone and said, “I’ve written a book about you and I want this book to go out into the world with good karma. I really want your blessing.”

“Did you really say karma!?” Sloman interrupted. “I did!” said Nick. Noakes picked up the story, saying, “I told her I would never stand in your way. Go … publish your book.” Nick advised Noakes he might want to read it first, “Seeing as you die on the first page …”

At that stage the manuscript’s working title was Who Killed Tim Noakes?. “It came at rather a difficult time in my life,” said the professor, who read it regardless. “I thought she’s put so much effort into it and it’s such a good book that I’m not going to stand in her way. But at the time I was feeling fragile. I’m less fragile now. I’m very happy to support this book because it introduces Banting to even more people.”Tim Noakes, Paige Nick and Mervyn Sloman

While doing her research for this book, Nick discovered a rich vein of gold on Facebook, where some Banting support groups have as many as 140 000 members, some of which are “moer of an active”. She described them as being eternally online. “I do not know when they eat! I do not know when they sleep!”

Much of the interactions are positive, folk sharing recipes and encouraging each others’ weight loss, but much is mean-spirited fighting which is like an addictive soap opera. Nick described the hilarious comment thread where a member of the group confessed to falling off the wagon by having had a Whopper Burger. She proceeded to describe the misery of her bowels and was harangued mercilessly – not for oversharing but for forgetting that she was part of the “Banting for Life” group. She was warned by one of the more self-righteous compadres that this was not a Banting-for-when-you-feel-like-it group!

On a more serious note, Noakes spoke about the vested interests of commercial enterprises that keep people eating in an unhealthy manner and consuming medications to remedy this. He recalled a visit to clinic at Delft where many people have been treated for high blood pressure for many years. They have not, however, received any kind of nutritional counselling that would facilitate their recovery. Noakes is adamant about one thing: “I just want people to know the truth,” he said. “There has been a massive cover up.”

Those who attended the event engaged in a vigorous question and answer session with Nick and Noakes. They queued patiently afterwards, despite the heat, waiting for the celebrity duo to sign their copies of Death By Carbs and The Real Meal Revolution.

 

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Liesl Jobson (@LieslJobson) live tweeted the event using #livebooks:


 

 

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A Day in the Life of a Bread Company CEO: An Excerpt from Paige Nick’s Banting Satire, Death By Carbs

Facebook Reacts to the Murder of Tim Noakes: An Excerpt from Paige Nick’s Wickedly Funny Novel, Death By Carbs

 
Death By CarbsWhat happens if you’re the MD of a bread company during the Banting craze? Read an excerpt from Death By Carbs, Paige Nick’s new satire on low-carb culture.

Death By Carbs is a great stocking stuffer for Tim Noakes fans or anti-Banters since – spoiler alert! – the Prof is murdered on page one.

The real-life Noakes, however, says Death By Carbs is an excellent read, and even gave it a cover shout: “I was breathless right until the end.”

Nick is a columnist, award-winning advertising copywriter, and author of the critically acclaimed novels, A Million Miles from Normal (Penguin, 2010) and This Way Up (Penguin, 2011). She is also one third of Helena S Paige, together with Sarah Lotz and Helen Moffett, a threesome of authors with a series of choose-your-own-adventure erotic novels, now out in 21 countries. Pens Behaving Badly (Kwela, 2015), a collection of her Sunday Times columns and the wild letters they’ve inspired, came out earlier this year.

Read the Death By Carbs excerpt, Part 2 of our series (See Part 1 here!):

THE CEO
Wednesday 7:38am

Not a day went by that Trevor didn’t wish he’d gone into bacon. People would always like bacon, wouldn’t they? Most of them, anyway. Not the Jews and Muslims of course, although some of them seemed to be coming around to it.

Earlier that morning, Trevor had considered the road paint business; people would always need road paint. Well, as long as there were roads. And before that, in the changing room at the gym, he’d eagerly considered the towel business (although he would definitely make them bigger, he thought – everybody made towels too small these days). There was also the running shoe business, and at this point, even the showerhead business seemed attractive. Surely those industries would be less stressful than the one he was in right now? Hell, working as head of public relations at Eskom would be less stressful.

It wasn’t even eight am yet, and Trevor had already weighed up at least ten different career alternatives to being the Managing Director of a company that manufactured bread, baked goods and snacks.

It was sheer dumb luck that he’d managed to find his way into a dying industry. What an idiot. These days, carbs were the enemy. Bread sales had taken a serious beating as a result, and were at an all-time low. When Trevor had first started out as VP of sales at SnackCorp, seven years earlier, it had been the heyday of bread. Carbs were king. They’d all cruised to some exotic destination for their annual corporate bosberaad to play golf and pat each other on the back. Company life was a year-round, all-you-could-eat buffet of prawns, strippers, congratulations, narcissism and booze. And carbs. Truckloads of carbs.

But not anymore. Sales figures had plummeted, stocks had hit rock bottom, and the board was tightening belts left, right and centre. And now, three mass retrenchments later, they were still running scared and pointing fingers. Unless Trevor came up with something fast, it looked like they were going to use him as the next scapegoat. Trim the fat (ironically), lose the dead weight. And then what? Who in South Africa was going to hire a short, short-sighted, slightly overweight, fifty-six-year-old white man?

Trevor needed this job; he had his ex-wife’s maintenance to cover. And what about his Merc, and the penthouse? Trevor scratched at his balding scalp, then self-consciously tried to rearrange the wisps of hair that remained. It didn’t help that SnackCorp had a forty-nine per cent shareholding in the Central Soda Company. Sugar and carbs: just great. He’d backed the only two lame donkeys in a horse race. Why hadn’t he gone into the xylitol business instead? Then life would be sweet. But he had a plan, and he felt a warm surge of hope as he considered it. If all went well, an upturn was imminent.

 
 

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About the book

When someone kills dieting guru Professor Tim Noakes, Detective Bennie September has more suspects than solutions.

Banting culture, otherwise known as the HFLC lifestyle (high fat, low carb), spearheaded by Professor Tim Noakes, has exploded in South Africa.

The Real Meal Revolution (Quivertree, 2013), has sold more than 200 000 copies and is still picking up speed. Noakes is constantly in the news for his controversial, game-changing theories. His new book on infant nutrition has just launched as an instant bestseller, and The Real Meal Revolution has gone global, launching in the UK in August.

In this hilarious novel, Paige Nick prods and pokes at both the fans and the detractors of South Africa’s biggest dieting craze. So whatever side of the debate you fall on, you’ll find something to laugh at.

With more twists and turns than a koeksister, this laugh-out-loud novel will have you spurting bulletproof coffee out your nose.

 
Related stories:

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Facebook Reacts to the Murder of Tim Noakes: An Excerpt from Paige Nick’s Wickedly Funny Novel, Death By Carbs

Facebook Reacts to the Murder of Tim Noakes: An Excerpt from Paige Nick’s Wickedly Funny Novel, Death By Carbs

 
Death By CarbsRead an excerpt from Death By Carbs, Paige Nick’s new satire on low-carb culture – the perfect festive gift for Tim Noakes fans and also, since the Prof is murdered on page one, anti-Banters!

Noakes himself endorses the book, saying: “I was breathless right until the end.”

Nick is a columnist, award-winning advertising copywriter, and author of the critically acclaimed novels, A Million Miles from Normal (Penguin, 2010) and This Way Up (Penguin, 2011). She is also one third of Helena S Paige, together with Sarah Lotz and Helen Moffett, a threesome of authors with a series of choose-your-own-adventure erotic novels, now out in 21 countries. Pens Behaving Badly (Kwela, 2015), a collection of her Sunday Times columns and the wild letters they’ve inspired, came out earlier this year.

In this excerpt from Death by Carbs, the “Banting for Life Facebook Page” learns of Noakes’ demise, although some are more cut up about it than others …

Read the excerpt, Part 1 of our series (Look out for Part 2 on Thursday!):

THE FANS

Wednesday 6:09am
THE BANTING FOR LIFE FACEBOOK PAGE

Deborah Gogh I have terrible news for all my Banting friends and fans on this page. I just
read on Twitter that Professor Tim Noakes died after an attack in his home in
the early hours of this morning.

Phillip Stewart Is this somce kind of joke? Because if it is its not funny.
Like 46

Melissa Giles It’s true. I went to go look on Twitter. How did he die? Does
anyone know any other information or circumstances? My condolences go out
to us and his family.
Like 12

Borrie Human HOW? WHAT! THIS CANT’ BE! I DONT’UNDERSTAND
Like 19

Deborah Gogh From what I can see on Twitter, the police haven’t yet
released a statement. It’s such sad news. I just can’t believe it. I was reading
his book only this morning, it’s become my bible.
Like 42

Margie Oosthuizen Do they know how he died?
Like 2

Murray Bruvick I hope he didn’t have a heart attack!!
Like 31

Charte Tonder That would be really bad!
Like 19

Kwela McKaiser They’re saying he was murdered and there’s some pictures
of face full of blood from someone’s cell phone on the scene which is very
blurry. But it hasn’t been confirmed by the authorities yet.
Like 21

Murray Bruvick Phew, as long as he didn’t have a heart attack!!
Like 19

Joanne Sloanne My condonlenses go out to his whole family. This is tragic. I
feel like I’ve lost a close friend. We are praying for you all.
Like 12

Maureen Ewehout I can’t believe what I’m reading. Ever since my husband
died, this group and Banting have saved me. I’ve lost more than 27 kilograms,
and I feel like at the age of 60 I’ve finally found my calling and my purpose
in life, thanks to The Real Meal Revolution. I’ve made so many new friends.
This is the worst news I’ve heard since my husband’s passing. Tim Noakes
was my very good friend. Just before he died, we worked together on some
Marvellous Tim Noakes ENDORSED Real Meal Revolution Meal Plans. Get
yours for just R150 each. Direct message me to find out more. It’s terrible
news, but in his honour we should all dedicate ourselves to his incredible,
lifechanging, world-beating diet plan, with the help of my Marvellous Tim Noakes
ENDORSED meal plans.
Like 8

Bernard Lewis I know me too. He’s done so much for me. Banting has
changed my life. Ive also lost a whopping 24 kilograms since January and Im
speeding towards my goal wait. I’ve tried every diet known to mankind my
whole life, and nothing has ever worked for me before. Without the Prof, I’d
probably still literly be eating myself to death.
Like 35

Sheena Easting Hi Maureen Ewehout your diet plans does sound
interesting. Are they really endorsed by the Prof himself?
Like 3

Maureen Ewehout Hello Sheena Easting yes, I met the good Professor
at a Banting conference in Balito 18 months ago, and we’ve been working
intensely on these meal plans together for the last four to five months. We
were going to launch them soon. But with this tragic news of his death, I
know he would have wanted me to launch them now, to keep his work alive.
Message me if you’d like your very own Marvellous Tim Noakes ENDORSED
meal plans, for just R150 each.
Like 4

Deedee Wolhutter Hey everyone, join me in a celebration of a great man’s
life. Let’s each one of us light a candle tonight and put it in our windows in
honour of the great professor, who has touched so many lives, and changed
the way we think about food and about bacon.
Like 28

Dot Swart Hello, are candles on the green list?
Like 2

Doug Larter That has to be the most ignorant comment of the day, Dot
Swart
Like 11

Dot Swart No Doug Larter, I mean that candles are made of wax, and isnt
that made from bees and honey? And all Im saying is that if honey is on the
Red or Orange list, then I just think that to honor the professor and all his
work, and how hes changed our lives forever, then we shuddnt use them.
Like 15

Pauline Oppelt Honey is on the Orange List. You’re allowed one spoon of it
a day, so I don’t know if we should do the whole candle thing or not.
Like 22

Donna Kirsch Maybe just half a candle?
Like 22

Shana Kurz Hello clever banting people … a question about psyllium husk –
do you know, can you tell me is there a difference between all the products,
are some better than others … or are all psyllium husk brands pretty much
the same?
Like 0

View 1267 more comments

 
 

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About the book

When someone kills dieting guru Professor Tim Noakes, Detective Bennie September has more suspects than solutions.

Banting culture, otherwise known as the HFLC lifestyle (high fat, low carb), spearheaded by Professor Tim Noakes, has exploded in South Africa.

The Real Meal Revolution (Quivertree, 2013), has sold more than 200 000 copies and is still picking up speed. Noakes is constantly in the news for his controversial, game-changing theories. His new book on infant nutrition has just launched as an instant bestseller, and The Real Meal Revolution has gone global, launching in the UK in August.

In this hilarious novel, Paige Nick prods and pokes at both the fans and the detractors of South Africa’s biggest dieting craze. So whatever side of the debate you fall on, you’ll find something to laugh at.

With more twists and turns than a koeksister, this laugh-out-loud novel will have you spurting bulletproof coffee out your nose.

 
Related stories:

Book details


» read article

Join Paige Nick and Tim Noakes for the Launch of Death By Carbs at The Book Lounge

Invitation to the launch of Death by Carbs

 
Death By CarbsBookstorm would like to invite you to the launch of Paige Nick‘s hilarious new novel, Death By Carbs.

The critically acclaimed author and Sunday Times columnist will be in conversation with Professor Tim Noakes, the author of The Real Meal Revolution (Quivertree), who introduced South Africans to Banting – the low-carb, high-fat lifestyle. Noakes is also, incidentally, the victim in Death By Carbs:

When someone kills dieting guru Professor Tim Noakes, Detective Bennie September has more suspects than solutions.

Join Nick and her real-life inspiration on Thursday, 10 December, at The Book Lounge at 5:30 for 6 PM.

See you there!

Event Details

  • Date: Thursday, 10 December 2015
  • Time: 5:30 for 6 PM
  • Venue: The Book Lounge
    71 Roeland Street
    Corner of Buitenkant and Roeland Street
    Cape Town | Map
  • Interviewer: Tim Noakes
  • RSVP: booklounge@gmail.com, 021 462 2425

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