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Facebook Reacts to the Murder of Tim Noakes: An Excerpt from Paige Nick’s Wickedly Funny Novel, Death By Carbs

Facebook Reacts to the Murder of Tim Noakes: An Excerpt from Paige Nick’s Wickedly Funny Novel, Death By Carbs

 
Death By CarbsRead an excerpt from Death By Carbs, Paige Nick’s new satire on low-carb culture – the perfect festive gift for Tim Noakes fans and also, since the Prof is murdered on page one, anti-Banters!

Noakes himself endorses the book, saying: “I was breathless right until the end.”

Nick is a columnist, award-winning advertising copywriter, and author of the critically acclaimed novels, A Million Miles from Normal (Penguin, 2010) and This Way Up (Penguin, 2011). She is also one third of Helena S Paige, together with Sarah Lotz and Helen Moffett, a threesome of authors with a series of choose-your-own-adventure erotic novels, now out in 21 countries. Pens Behaving Badly (Kwela, 2015), a collection of her Sunday Times columns and the wild letters they’ve inspired, came out earlier this year.

In this excerpt from Death by Carbs, the “Banting for Life Facebook Page” learns of Noakes’ demise, although some are more cut up about it than others …

Read the excerpt, Part 1 of our series (Look out for Part 2 on Thursday!):

THE FANS

Wednesday 6:09am
THE BANTING FOR LIFE FACEBOOK PAGE

Deborah Gogh I have terrible news for all my Banting friends and fans on this page. I just
read on Twitter that Professor Tim Noakes died after an attack in his home in
the early hours of this morning.

Phillip Stewart Is this somce kind of joke? Because if it is its not funny.
Like 46

Melissa Giles It’s true. I went to go look on Twitter. How did he die? Does
anyone know any other information or circumstances? My condolences go out
to us and his family.
Like 12

Borrie Human HOW? WHAT! THIS CANT’ BE! I DONT’UNDERSTAND
Like 19

Deborah Gogh From what I can see on Twitter, the police haven’t yet
released a statement. It’s such sad news. I just can’t believe it. I was reading
his book only this morning, it’s become my bible.
Like 42

Margie Oosthuizen Do they know how he died?
Like 2

Murray Bruvick I hope he didn’t have a heart attack!!
Like 31

Charte Tonder That would be really bad!
Like 19

Kwela McKaiser They’re saying he was murdered and there’s some pictures
of face full of blood from someone’s cell phone on the scene which is very
blurry. But it hasn’t been confirmed by the authorities yet.
Like 21

Murray Bruvick Phew, as long as he didn’t have a heart attack!!
Like 19

Joanne Sloanne My condonlenses go out to his whole family. This is tragic. I
feel like I’ve lost a close friend. We are praying for you all.
Like 12

Maureen Ewehout I can’t believe what I’m reading. Ever since my husband
died, this group and Banting have saved me. I’ve lost more than 27 kilograms,
and I feel like at the age of 60 I’ve finally found my calling and my purpose
in life, thanks to The Real Meal Revolution. I’ve made so many new friends.
This is the worst news I’ve heard since my husband’s passing. Tim Noakes
was my very good friend. Just before he died, we worked together on some
Marvellous Tim Noakes ENDORSED Real Meal Revolution Meal Plans. Get
yours for just R150 each. Direct message me to find out more. It’s terrible
news, but in his honour we should all dedicate ourselves to his incredible,
lifechanging, world-beating diet plan, with the help of my Marvellous Tim Noakes
ENDORSED meal plans.
Like 8

Bernard Lewis I know me too. He’s done so much for me. Banting has
changed my life. Ive also lost a whopping 24 kilograms since January and Im
speeding towards my goal wait. I’ve tried every diet known to mankind my
whole life, and nothing has ever worked for me before. Without the Prof, I’d
probably still literly be eating myself to death.
Like 35

Sheena Easting Hi Maureen Ewehout your diet plans does sound
interesting. Are they really endorsed by the Prof himself?
Like 3

Maureen Ewehout Hello Sheena Easting yes, I met the good Professor
at a Banting conference in Balito 18 months ago, and we’ve been working
intensely on these meal plans together for the last four to five months. We
were going to launch them soon. But with this tragic news of his death, I
know he would have wanted me to launch them now, to keep his work alive.
Message me if you’d like your very own Marvellous Tim Noakes ENDORSED
meal plans, for just R150 each.
Like 4

Deedee Wolhutter Hey everyone, join me in a celebration of a great man’s
life. Let’s each one of us light a candle tonight and put it in our windows in
honour of the great professor, who has touched so many lives, and changed
the way we think about food and about bacon.
Like 28

Dot Swart Hello, are candles on the green list?
Like 2

Doug Larter That has to be the most ignorant comment of the day, Dot
Swart
Like 11

Dot Swart No Doug Larter, I mean that candles are made of wax, and isnt
that made from bees and honey? And all Im saying is that if honey is on the
Red or Orange list, then I just think that to honor the professor and all his
work, and how hes changed our lives forever, then we shuddnt use them.
Like 15

Pauline Oppelt Honey is on the Orange List. You’re allowed one spoon of it
a day, so I don’t know if we should do the whole candle thing or not.
Like 22

Donna Kirsch Maybe just half a candle?
Like 22

Shana Kurz Hello clever banting people … a question about psyllium husk –
do you know, can you tell me is there a difference between all the products,
are some better than others … or are all psyllium husk brands pretty much
the same?
Like 0

View 1267 more comments

 
 

* * * * *

About the book

When someone kills dieting guru Professor Tim Noakes, Detective Bennie September has more suspects than solutions.

Banting culture, otherwise known as the HFLC lifestyle (high fat, low carb), spearheaded by Professor Tim Noakes, has exploded in South Africa.

The Real Meal Revolution (Quivertree, 2013), has sold more than 200 000 copies and is still picking up speed. Noakes is constantly in the news for his controversial, game-changing theories. His new book on infant nutrition has just launched as an instant bestseller, and The Real Meal Revolution has gone global, launching in the UK in August.

In this hilarious novel, Paige Nick prods and pokes at both the fans and the detractors of South Africa’s biggest dieting craze. So whatever side of the debate you fall on, you’ll find something to laugh at.

With more twists and turns than a koeksister, this laugh-out-loud novel will have you spurting bulletproof coffee out your nose.

 
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